Women of a Certain Age…

OK, so I’m not quite a “woman of a certain age” in the traditional sense of the phrase. Although I suspect that the women the term refers to are getting older and older as those who used to throw around that phrase age themselves, the new “Men of a Certain Age” TV show brought the idea to my attention.

I would argue, however, that the “certain age” can be pretty young! When you aren’t using the term to refer to declining physical or mental abilities, maybe it could be interpreted as something else…

 

 

 

Something like that certain age when:

1. Getting trashed every night isn’t your idea of a good time

2. All of your friends are either working, married, or living out-of-town

3. Your social circle is smaller than you’d like, be it a hectic lifestyle or a changing personality to blame

4. Priorities change from doing homework to paying bills, from hanging with roommates to earning a promotion

Adults everywhere have fewer friends nowadays than they did even just a couple of decades ago. Our options for discussions, confiding, stress relief and relaxation, and enjoyment are more limited, and our time with friends is infrequent.

This phenomenon may only accelerate with future generations, who get much of their social interaction online. Although chatting with friends on Facebook can have its rewards, studies show face-time is more beneficial for us, and personally, I agree. Although it may be easier to write on someone’s “wall” I would much prefer to go shopping or chat on the phone (even for just a few minutes!).

So in closing, instead of women of a certain age getting older and older, I’m afraid that they might be getting younger and younger! I feel like closing social networks and isolation may render us old before our time. That social disconnect is increasingly becoming a problem of young people as much as it can be for those further along in years.

And I know I want to make sure that I delay truly becoming a “woman of a certain age” as long as possible, particularly if it means I have fewer friends and less social time! I’m sure potential Forever Friends everywhere would say “ditto!”

Coffee is Good for You

And your friends! And you when you’re with friends!

I am happy to report that I have gone out for coffee with two awesome ladies recently. I knew one from college and the other from high school, and we are all in the same city now, so I figured it was time to reconnect!

Not only did we have a great time catching up, but I am happy to report that in addition to social time being good for women, so is coffee.

Not only do the antioxidants, natural chemicals, and caffeine provide certain heart-healthy benefits, but there are studies that also indicate that moderate coffee drinkers also have lower rates of depression and even diabetes. Women may also be able to reduce their risk of heart disease by sipping up to four cups per day, and some research demonstrates a small decrease in the risk of post-menopausal breast cancer in regular coffee drinkers.

For those of you who are nervous about the caffeine, decaf and other caffeinated drinks will confer the desired health benefits for certain conditions, but not for all. To minimize the negative effects of caffeine, try drinking most of your coffee by early afternoon to give your body plenty of time to process it before you go to sleep.

For the rest of us, this is good news to drink up, and an excellent excuse to grab a coffee with the girls.

In terms of progress on the Friendship Meter, things are going well – two invites and two events down. I’m getting over some of the awkward things by just sucking it up and talking or inviting anyway. It’s working! I’m happy to report my confidence is building and I am enjoying myself A TON in the process. Hooray!

The Art of Conversation

I’ve often noticed that successful people are outgoing, comfortable talking to strangers, and easy in conversation.  The ability to strike up a pleasant, engaging conversation with just about anyone can come in hand everywhere, however, not just in the world of business.

I think I would like to develop my ability to converse successfully with strangers – after all, it seems like an important skill in finding and keeping friends!

A super creative blog with a super “friendly” story!

So I stumbled upon this blog when Neeks commented on my other WordPress site, and found out that with just a few words, she writes an original poem or short story – way cool!

The one I somehow managed to find right off the bat was “Best Friends For Ever!” that clearly fits with the gist of this blog. Super cute story, super fun link. Putting it on the blogroll!

Once you get the ball rollin’…

It’s hard to stop!

I am quite fortunate to have started the Friends Forever Friendship Endeavor at a time in my life when I had the opportunity to meet tons of new people all at a similar point in their lives – meaning they could all be potential Forever Friends.

College and university life opens new doors to social opportunities than almost any other time in life, I believe, even for people who had previously been shut away behind their career doors or in the close-knit everyday world of raising a family.

This month’s progress on the Friendship Meter is going much better than last month’s! Fortunately, with everyone trying to get to know people, there have been plenty of invitations. I am thankful that a potential friend I had been more interested in getting to know wanted the same; we went out to dinner with our respective significant others and had a blast.  We got along so well I think I would actually feel comfortable calling her out of the blue to grab a coffee or go to a local event. Don’t know that we’re quite ready for the shopping test (I have a particular shopping style that few but my sister truly understand!) but we’ve got time!

In addition, I contacted an acquaintance I had known in AZ, and we got together for coffee the other day.  We fell into easy conversation, and although we were never close despite having mutual friends, it’s nice to have the potential there of getting to know her better and to have a friend available in case the “fit” hits the “shan,” if you know what I mean!

So all in all, a successful and productive week on the Friendship Endeavor project.  What’s better, it feels like this is just the beginning!  Once I opened myself up to meeting people and deciding to make friends, the calls, texts, and invites forged by my own deliberate attempts at friendliness started paying off, and I feel happier and healthier for it already.  Onward!

The Friends Forever Friendship Endeavor October Plan

Because this month is still focused on creating opportunities for friendship, the following goal will be my objective:

1. Invite two separate potential friends to get together

2. Go out at least two times (whether I invite or am invited)

And that’s it! 4 technical activities ought to keep me busy. I think that the more I get used to putting myself out there and talking with potential friends, the easier it will be to accomplish my monthly goals and the greater the opportunity I will have to make true forever friends. Sweet.

Last month’s success has me energized and happy, and I’m ready for the new challenge of getting actively involved in my own social life, as a participant instead of as a passive observer who’s just along for the ride!

http://www.succeedsocially.com/plans: This guy hit the nail on the head, and I’ll be taking some of his advice!

Amen!

Finishing one project before starting another!

So I made an unpublished vow to finish my September Friendship Endeavor work before starting on October, and last night, I did!

I called two separate friends I hadn’t spoken to in far too long – one from AZ and one from PA.  The phone calls went just as I had hoped – before long we were laughing and chatting about everything we had missed in each others lives.

We played catch-up and joked and empathized and planned together.  And now, one of them is coming to visit soon!

Thankfully, I will officially be able to wrap up my September Endeavors with a full Friendship Meter. And most of all, I am happy and thankful to report (to the universe?) that procrastination didn’t pay off, but getting into gear and calling old friends did.  Oldies but goodies is the phrase, and in this case it held true. I didn’t realize how much I missed their company and small talk until I got to enjoy it again.

So here’s to friendship, and here’s to finishing the first month of the Friendship Endeavor with a lot of happiness to show for it.

 

The Friendship of Women

I saw a post on the book the Friendship of Womenand thought it looked like an inspiring and fitting piece of literature.  Gonna check it out!

Check out the book!

September Re-cap on Making Friends

So the three goals for September were:

1. To chat with 5 new people – DONE! I’m glad to report that with starting a new degree, there were tons of people to meet, and many people were in the same boat as me (an endorsement for taking classes of any sort to meet people, I think!). Lots of potential lady friends, although I’m already starting to see that some have more potential for forever friends than others!

2. Reconnect with 3 old friends – not quite done….unfortunately.  The first attempt left a little to be desired, and even though I am still very eager to chat with a few old girlfriends, I admit I am so stretched for time that it has become a huge hurdle.  The only free time I have seems to be late at night!  Regardless, this will have to be a carry-over for October.

3. Learn something new and/or interesting about a few classmates or co-workers. I didn’t pay much homage to this topic in my posts, but I did (inadvertently) complete this one as well – DONE!  I found out that one lady I never would have expected was born and raised abroad until her early teens (very cool!).  Another lady has a child with autism and has worked everywhere from the military to a doctor’s office.  And lastly, I found out that one potential friend enjoys chocolate and wine about as much as I do.  Very promising!

Despite my shortcomings this month, I can already tell that just by making this online commitment (to myself? the universe? the blogosphere? anyone?) is pushing me to go a bit out of my comfort zone.  It is working as a constant reminder and inspiration to put the effort into making friends and meeting people.

Every time there is a break in classes or when I pass someone in the hall at work, I am starting to see it as an opportunity to meet someone new and potentially special. I am seeing the beauty in the possibility of a spontaneous, new, and lifelong friendship in the people around me, and I like it!

On to October Friends Forever Friendship Endeavor goals!

 

Busy lives leave little room for friendship?

Could it be the oldest excuse in the book?

“Sorry, I’m too busy ____”

a. hunting and gathering

b. washing my hair

c. doing chores around the house

Even when we have the opportunity to be social, to go out and make friends, to visit with people, to call on the phone and chat, why don’t we? It is so tempting to curl up on the couch with a good book or a British murder mystery on the telly and just veg out. Free time seems so rare that any chance I get to kick back and relax, even though I am unabashedly searching for friends, I can’t bear to rally myself to go out and about.

Is this laziness, anxiety, or actual exhaustion? I think I may know, but I would hate to admit it. I WILL recoup the missed friendship goals from September within the next few days (despite having class and a family member staying over and a billion house projects to do..not to mention earning a living)! And then, on to the October plan.

It just seems a bit of a shame that modern life is so busy and driven by everything except friendship sometimes. Sometimes maybe all we need is a little inspiration to make time for friends, but other times I think I need a swift kick in the butt – a harsh reminder that life doesn’t last forever, that for the most part future forever friends won’t come out of the woodwork searching for me, and that an hour tossing back drinks with a potential girlfriend will be much more rewarding at the end of the day than watching yet another re-run of Psych (even though I love that show altogether too much).

So here’s to the thought that even though life is busy, friends are busy, and everyone is stressed to the max, it is possibly even more important to make time for friends now than it would be if we had all the time in the world to piddle away. Busy or not, I’m going to make time for friends – it just might be the best way to be a good friend to myself.