Update on Summer Friendship Endeavors

Summer so far has been a whirlwind of family visits, hectic finals, and frantic attempts to fit time for friends in between work, travel, house projects (we built a pergola!), and my efforts to remember how to cook (buy food, prep food, cook food? Who has time for that?!)…

Progress on the (Ohio) Friendship Meter has been slow, as much due to my schedule as to those of my friends, but the season has not been wholly unproductive in terms of the Friends Forever Friendship Endeavor.

Counting the Blessings in Life

There are never enough minutes in the day (or days in the weekend!) to get as much done as I would like. I am a miserable Facebook contact, I seem to have forgotten what phone calls are, and I still haven’t sent my thank-you notes from Christmas (so snail mail communication is pretty much out of the running for keeping in touch). Regardless, I have had some wonderful developments this year in the world of friendship.

I have also read that counting your blessings can improve your outlook on life and even keep you healthier. So instead of whining about how I never get to do as many social activities as I would like or moaning about how modern life is too busy to allow new friendship bonds to form, I would like to count my friendship blessings from the last month or two.

1. Close friends from AZ visited for several days in June; we laughed, we played Scattergories, we drank craft beer. Who could ask for more?
2. Another AZ acquaintance of mine (high school friend of my hubby’s) got a summer internship in the area, and I will benefit from her limited local social network by being able to show her around town. In fact, I can use her visit as an excuse to see more of the city myself, since I’m still pretty new!
3. Wedding bells, they are a-ringin’. Three friends tie the knot this summer. The wedding we already attended allowed us to explore Lake Geneva, WI with some great buddies from AZ, while celebrating the union of two other great buddies from AZ! The two weddings to come will be a nice reminder that the FFFE has been successful enough to earn me an invite to a very important day for two new friends. I suppose that is proof-positive of progress on the Friendship Meter.
4. We bought a grill. I am aware that this is not a friendship blessing on its face, but so far we have used it as an excuse to BBQ with the neighbors and a few school friends, and even hosted a get-together for the 4th of July. Oh, sweet grilled meat and corn, to you do we owe our summer friendship successes.

And so, it is with a grateful heart that I report these few, but special, events in the Friendship Endeavor’s summer session. The final phase of the year-long endeavor has gotten off to a pretty decent start.

June, July, and August will complete the year’s endeavor, so I will draft up the plans and get them out ASAP. Things are looking up, and I don’t see why the FFFE shouldn’t continue on indefinitely!

Coffees and Parties and Lunches, Oh My!

I was on a roll for a bit, with hosting two parties in two weeks (one was the ladies night of wine and chatting, and then we hosted a party for my husband’s law school classmates, a few of whom have some potential for the FFFE as well. The only problem there will be how to get them to hang out when they ever have any time!

In addition to the parties, I was grabbing Sunday coffees, doing mid-week biostats phone consultations, and generally living it up for a while – effortlessly doing the FFFE thing, living the goal (or trying to) of networking and meeting people on a regular basis and building relationships based on that.

But now what?

Busy, Busy, Busy

Where has my time gone?  Where have the invites gone?  Where has the will gone to keep checking MeetUp.com for a chance to spread my wings a bit?  And again, where has my time gone?  Work, school, an internship, some volunteer work, a house, a husband, and a dog are surely time consuming enough for two people, but before it was working out relatively well…right?

Is it too much to ask to have time for friends and everything else?

Taking Stock of the Friends Forever Friendship Endeavor

How feasible is it to have routine outings with friends when life is so hectic? I feel like this project has helped me adapt to a new city and find friends perhaps more quickly than I otherwise would have. At the same time, however, trying to plan and organize the endeavor of finding and making friends can add stress to an already overwhelming schedule.

So after all of my hemming and hawing, I want to know what you all think about undertaking a concentrated, organized effort to be active in the friendship world. Enter Quiz #1 for the FFFE.

Missed Opportunities for Friendship

To catch you up on the last few weeks, I must report that in the friendship department, things have been going along swimmingly. We’ve done a few dinners and a coffee outing or two, but some of the interactions I’ve had with other students and some of my husband’s friends have led me to consider something rather unpleasant.

Perhaps by focusing on the Friendship Endeavor in the way that I have (searching for female friends almost exclusively), I have missed opportunities for rewarding friendships with men.
In the past, I have found that some of my strongest friendships have been with men; they are generally easy-going, friendly, and often very funny. Unfortunately, a troubling incident based on mistaken understanding by a male friend’s wife led me to be extremely cautious in forming new friendships with men, married or otherwise. I suppose I reasoned that women are the most appropriate and least risky option for friends.

Can Men and Women Be Just Friends?

Friendships between men and women seem to be forever at odds with platonic behavior, at least in the media and pop culture. Consider the fact that entire movies are based solely on this issue: think When Harry Met Sally. In spite of the fact that, historically, men and women can’t be “just friends,” I find that some of the friends I have most consistently identified with have been men.

And yet, what did I do upon embarking on my mission for lasting, rewarding friendships? I left men out of the picture! The fact dawned on me when I realized how many of the girls in my classes at the university had become good friends with the guys; they had taken an effort I had entirely neglected.

The full realization of what I had done truly sank in when we started socializing more with some of my husband’s friends from law school – at least half of whom are women.

“Reverse” Sexism: Guilty or Not Guilty?

What had I been thinking? That only women could become my lifelong friends? That it was only safe or appropriate to be open to friendship with women, men be damned? That it wasn’t even worth my effort to develop friendly acquaintances with men because of the potential for awkwardness? Did I have a subconscious idea that spending time developing friendships with men wasn’t going to help me reach my goal of abounding in rich friendships?

In the first two quarters I have been at school, I have perhaps inadvertently snubbed half of the students in the degree program simply because of their gender! What a shame, to think of all the time I wasted fretting over the next girls’ night when I could have been developing equally satisfying friendship with some of the guys in the program.

So I here vow to be prejudiced no more; to not be averse to conversation, jokes, and friendship with men; to not allow the world of pop culture to dictate my relationships; and to not let the past detract from my future.
I want a life full of friendships, and I don’t care what background or gender my friends have. I am determined to renew the Friendship Endeavor with acts of sociability to men and women alike. Maybe I can make up for lost time – if not, there’s always next quarter!

The Days of Wine and Chocolate

So my resolution to have another party came true.  It was small, yes, but it was delicious.

In my post-Debbie-Downer phase, I decided to put together a tasting party for the two things I most enjoy: wine and chocolate.  Yum.

I have never done a tasting party of any sort, let alone one that people might expect to be well-planned and put-together, so I started feeling the pressure immediately after I invited a few friends.

What?  Did I really just commit myself to coming up with a menu of paired wines and chocolates?

To the drawing board!

Wine and Chocolate Pairings

After a lot of research at Lindt.com for learning how to “taste” chocolate and then reviewing a billion sites to get recommendations for pairing wine and chocolate, this was the tasting menu:

Sweet Champagne with White Chocolate that had Dried Strawberry Chunks

Sweet Moscato with a Swirled White and Milk Chocolate bar

Riesling with Milk Chocolate with Caramel Filling

Dry Sherry with Milk Chocolate with Toffee Chunks

Fruity Cabernet Sauvingon with Medium Cocoa Chocolate with Dried Cherries

Shiraz with Dark Chocolate spiced with Chiles

Merlot with 79% Cocoa Dark Chocolate

Deeee—-LISH!

My favorite pairs were the sweet champagne with white chocolate and strawberries, the Sherry (I was so surprised!) with the toffee chocolate, and the Cab with the chocolate with cherries – and normally I only eat dark chocolates!

Anyway, the night was a success, and I have already been asked to repeat the pleasure…I am thinking of hosting a 2nd evening of wine and chocolate over spring break. The words “wine and chocolate” seem to be all that is necessary to secure attendees, which is now a “note to self” for future Friendship Endeavor events.

Now if I can just convince the MeetUp.com group to go for wine and chocolate, I can keep perfecting my tasting skills!

 

Coffee and Parties and Lunches, Oh My!

I was on a roll for a bit, with hosting two parties in two weeks (one was the ladies night of wine and chatting, and then we hosted a party for my husband’s law school classmates, a few of whom have some potential for the FFFE as well. The only problem there will be how to get them to hang out when they ever have any time!

In addition to the parties, I was grabbing Sunday coffees, doing mid-week biostats phone consultations with some friends, and generally living it up for a while – effortlessly doing the FFFE thing, living the goal (or trying to) of networking and meeting people on a regular basis and building relationships based on that.

But now what?

Where has my time gone?  Where have the invites gone?  Where has the will gone to keep checking MeetUp.com for a chance to spread my wings a bit?  And again, where has my time gone?  Work, school, an internship, some volunteer work, a house, a husband, and a dog are surely time consuming enough for two people, but before it was working out relatively well…right?

Taking Stock of the Friends Forever Friendship Endeavor

I am proud overall of my January accomplishments in terms of improving relationships, going the extra mile to get to know people, hosting parties, and just socializing in general.  But reviewing my progress since last September, it’s hard to tell if I would have been any worse off just by being my usual (less outgoing) self…I have never had trouble getting along with people, and despite all of my efforts, life just seems to be so busy at times that having regular time with friends doesn’t even seem realistic.

Maybe its the midterms, I’m-going-crazy frame of mind talking, but I feel like I will have to give myself a major reminder of why it’s worth it to work so hard at friendships if no one gets to see each other anyway!

I hope this down-in-the dumps, laissez faire attitude wears off quickly, because I do enjoy going the extra mile to hang out and build friendships – it’s just tough work.

Maybe another party is in order…

A Party in Summation

I was nervous – and rightfully so!  We had our first major snow of the season, most of the invited guests were unable to attend due to short notice, hectic work schedules, and prior plans.  I cleaned and prepped and planned and slaved over ridiculous appetizers, not to mention the fact that I spent three weeks worth of grocery money on the wine and snacks…

And of course, as any self-conscious newbie in the world of friendship would, I suppose, I worried that people would change their mind at the last minute, due to weather or perhaps a better offer for a way to spend their Friday night.  I fretted and stressed and sent my husband off with his guy friend for the night to spare myself the embarrassment of  having to watch him feel awkward for me if no one showed up.

Luckily, the party was a sweet success!

Exactly the number of people I suspected showed up.  We ate, we drank, we chatted, we played Catchphrase, and we had a great time.  Suddenly we discovered it was already 1am, and everyone was sorry to head home.  Now that’s what I wanted to experience!

I am happy to report that my first attempt at hosting a group of potential Forever Friends at the house was full of fun, and that I got the chance to know many of them much better than school and casual chats between classes or at lunch ever afforded us.  Spending time with people outside of work or school makes quite a difference in how you perceive them and what you learn about them (and how quickly!).

In terms of the main goal for January accomplishments on the Friendship Meter, the event was a success. In addition, I am pleased to say that I have a standing coffee date with a friend every weekend to review homework and catch up on each others’ lives.  It is nice to have a friend that I enjoy seeing regularly and who is interested in taking time to spend with me on a regular basis as well.

Now, onto the next goal for the Friendship Endeavor: MeetUp.com!

Long Winter Breaks are Fun!

After having lived the life of a professional for a few years between degree programs, I admit I forgot how cool school is when it comes to break time. Three weeks of (poorly) paid vacation is A-Okay with me!

Fun and blessings abounded this holiday season – my family is all in good health, and I managed to squeeze in several wonderful meals and outings with friends from AZ. Now that school is back in session, I suppose I must re-dedicate myself to the mission of the blog and continue with my friendship endeavors.

Hosting a party (or two!) this month will have to be my penance for slacking off (I am going to multitask and make it the first of many New Year resolutions)!  December was rather uninspiring on the Friendship Meter, so January and the fresh opportunity to meet new people will have to make up for it.

Details to come…

If All Else Fails, Make Food and Exercise Your Friends

For a recent project, I have been doing lots of research on mental health and how important exercise and the right diet can be to happiness and a positive mood. Although I am a ridiculously unreliable exerciser (despite my love for yoga, hiking, and looking good!), I must admit that every time I break a sweat I do feel good about myself. I also seem to see invisible physical benefits very, very quickly (yeah, I definitely have a smaller tummy now that I ran for 15 minutes…definitely).

Physical Activity Improves Mood

Similarly, I have a love-hate relationship with health food. At times, I am all about whole foods, shunning processed or anything with added salt or sugar or fat or any ingredients I can’t pronounce. Other times (like around the holidays), I am a sugar, fat, and carb aficionado. The more chocolate, butter, and booze the better! On the whole, though, I like to think that I am a relatively healthy eater, and I take pride in forcing my husband to be the same.

The natural buzz I get from eating well  and yes, exercising occasionally, is not just self-righteous health-nut pride, but Mother Nature’s way of saying “Yes, this is good for you – do more of this and all will be well!”

Food and Exercise Can Improve Mood

Foods with complex carbohydrates, magnesium and selenium, omega-3 fatty acids, protein, amino acids, and a variety of vitamins and antioxidants can help stimulate the production of feel-good chemicals in your brain. Boosting your production of serotonin, endorphins, fatty gray matter, and neurotransmitters in your brain translates to elevated energy levels, improved mood, better sleep, less frustration and anxiety, better stress management techniques, fewer symptoms of depression, improved memory, and even higher levels of motivation and alertness.

Some star foods for these benefits include bananas, spinach, salmon, walnuts, dark chocolate (hooray!), milk, brown rice, and turkey.

Eat well to boost your mood

The somewhat harder pill to swallow is that exercise is not only essential for great physical health but also for excellent emotional and mental well-being. Working up a sweat, breathing hard, and stretching your muscles prompts your brain to release feel-good chemicals and produce hormones that have many of the same effects as the above-mentioned foods. Exercise can help you relax, reduce stress, relieve anxiety, and reduce symptoms of depression. As an added benefit, exercising in bright daylight can help people with Seasonal Affective Disorder combat  symptoms of seasonal depression.

So the next time you have nowhere to go on a weekend night or nobody to hang out with, swap the TV and the take-out line for a jog and a salmon and veggie-licious experience that will leave you feeling content and relaxed. Who knew that exercise and food could be such healthy companions for your mood? Sign me up!

A Friendly End to a Friendly Semester

Finals are over and I once again have claim over at least some of my time! Spurred on by my numerous attempts to socialize, meet people, and make friends, I have recently participated in or arranged multiple gatherings with potential forever friends. Then again, I have also passed up a few outings to celebrate the quarter’s end. I did so regretfully, but I passed them up nonetheless.

Despite my brief bout with post-exam antisocial angst, I have already scheduled a tentative round of drinks on the town and an outing to dinner and the Nutcracker with a few new friends from school and church.

Today, however, I hatched a crazy idea.

My December task for the Friends Forever Friendship Endeavor will be to host a party. Not just any party – a party with all of the best potential friends doing all the best things: eating, drinking, and being merry.

Considering I do have the continued need to work for a living, a commitment to a school/work internship, the frantic holiday traveling to look forward to, and all of my Christmas shopping to do, it will be quite a feat to organize and host a party within the next couple of weeks, but I dare say my newfound devotion to fostering friendship opportunities will serve me well – motivation and a healthy dose of stress can be a wonderful thing.

I craftily even used my decision today to not attend recent outings as an opportunity to shoot a few ladies a text about tossing back a few glasses of wine at my place sometime in the next week or two.

So now the December To-Do List kicks in:

1. Pick a day for the fearsome fête
2. Buy some wine
3. Choose some snacks
4. Send a few casual invites
5. Clean, clean, clean
6. Party hearty
7. Report on the successful progress on the Friendship Meter!

 

Mine won't be quite this fancy!

All in all, I think I’ve had a great start these past few months toward finding potential Forever Friends. Granted, it has been easy to meet people at school – it is the perfect opportunity to find other people who are also looking to make new friends, and I hope that I am taking well enough advantage of the chances my new degree program has given me.

So beginning the next phase of my journey toward lasting friendships, I will host a party and head to the ballet. After that I foresee some of the general December to February Friendship Plans: 

December – February: Getting into the Swing of Things & Finding Some “Regulars”

I think I have made fair progress on this already for this month, but putting myself to the challenge of being the person responsible for inviting specific people and hosting a party is a bit of a big step.  It means I have to select some potential “regulars!”  Well, here goes!

My Friendly Fortune Cookie

So my husband and I have an ongoing joke about the fortune cookies we get.  His are always vague, even un-fortune-ish, saying things along the lines of “You are a good person” instead of “You will win $1 million.”  Clearly, he would prefer the latter.

My fortunes, on the other hand, always seem to predict future happiness, wealth, success, or all of the above.  And often times, they are highly relevant to my current situation.  Some of us are just blessed, I guess!

Anyway, after a very delicious Panda Express lunch today, we cracked open our fortune cookies and, alas!  Mine was delightful (his was rather unremarkable, yet again… ).

My Fortune Cookies Rock

 

A friend will be important to you and your forthcoming success.

No lucky numbers necessary for this one to be good.  See what I mean about my fortunes being relevant and super positive?!  Not only did I get a kick-ass meal of Beijing Beef and Sweet Fire Chicken, but I also got a warm and fuzzy feeling about this blog, which – thanks to some kind bloggers allowing me to guest post – has just begun to substantially pick up a few more visits.

Maybe a successful blog is not out of the question after all!  Could I possibly avoid being doomed to obscurity, in friendship as in the blogging world?  Might my fortune contain some truth, some nugget of hope about a future where everything is painted in rosy hues?  I will dare to hope!

So in the spirit of friendly blogging, here is a shout-out to my two best referrers so far!

Style Me Swanky and Lil’ Veggie Patch: check them out, as they are two awesome blogs that are super cool, with very friendly and talented leading ladies.

What is best of all is I feel I am making great online connections, and I am pleased as punch that, according to my fortune cookie at least, gaining friends can be as good for my writing endeavors as it can be for my personal well-being.  So welcome, readers everywhere! Let’s celebrate all that friends, food (I guess you have to read my guest posts to see what I mean, here, so check them out!), and fun do for us – and be happy that bringing joy to one area of our lives affects many other areas as well.

Although I have yet to see who this particularly important “friend” is, I am happy to report that the possible number of ladies this “friend” could be seems to be growing.  The more, the merrier!  The Friends Forever Friendship Endeavor is having far-reaching effects, and I am already seeing its impact in multiple areas of my life.

All in all, a great fortune, a great message, a great reminder that life is looking up – friendships, blogs, and everything else.

What an astonishing effect a happy prediction can make!