The November Mission: Last Official Chance for “Meeting People & Creating Friendship Opportunities”

Clearly this title is not exactly true, but (true to form), now that we are a week into November I figure I should detail the November plan.

My mission, which I decided I have no choice but to accept, is to finish the first stage in finding some potential Forever Friends.  For the next few weeks, I will specifically focus on creating friendship opportunities.

Having recently begun a new graduate degree program, meeting people has been no great difficulty.  Creating friendship opportunities – however straightforward it may sound – is a bit harder, though.  What does it even mean?

I think it means opening the door to new possibilities, taking the step after introducing yourself and reaching out to give both you and the other person the chance to develop a friendship.  It means paying attention to what people are saying (listening for real!), taking the time to be thoughtful in your comments, your questions, your invites.  It means thinking about creative and non-creepy ways to open the door to friendship.  After all, people don’t typically become best friends in a single day.  Developing friendships takes time, shared experiences, getting to know each other and understand each other beyond the whole “I see you everyday so I know a little bit about you” type of relationship.

So here are the November plans to create friendship opportunities:

1.  Have meaningful conversations with 3 acquaintances (beyond the usual “how are you?” or “what’s the homework?”).  After all, I will never know if they are potential Forever Friends if we don’t start talking more!

2.  Get coffee or have lunch with someone I haven’t socialized with yet and who I did not know as of three months ago.

3.  Text two new people.  Yes, this will be awkward and a challenge for me, believe it or not, as I dislike using my phone and prefer to do almost anything over sending text messages.  Plus I never delete anything and my text inbox is always full, which makes receiving timely texts a problem…

Anyway, that is the November plan.  As a parting thought, here is a beautiful reflection on the joys of friendship from two characters supremely qualified to give such a presentation:

The Art of Conversation

I’ve often noticed that successful people are outgoing, comfortable talking to strangers, and easy in conversation.  The ability to strike up a pleasant, engaging conversation with just about anyone can come in hand everywhere, however, not just in the world of business.

I think I would like to develop my ability to converse successfully with strangers – after all, it seems like an important skill in finding and keeping friends!

Once you get the ball rollin’…

It’s hard to stop!

I am quite fortunate to have started the Friends Forever Friendship Endeavor at a time in my life when I had the opportunity to meet tons of new people all at a similar point in their lives – meaning they could all be potential Forever Friends.

College and university life opens new doors to social opportunities than almost any other time in life, I believe, even for people who had previously been shut away behind their career doors or in the close-knit everyday world of raising a family.

This month’s progress on the Friendship Meter is going much better than last month’s! Fortunately, with everyone trying to get to know people, there have been plenty of invitations. I am thankful that a potential friend I had been more interested in getting to know wanted the same; we went out to dinner with our respective significant others and had a blast.  We got along so well I think I would actually feel comfortable calling her out of the blue to grab a coffee or go to a local event. Don’t know that we’re quite ready for the shopping test (I have a particular shopping style that few but my sister truly understand!) but we’ve got time!

In addition, I contacted an acquaintance I had known in AZ, and we got together for coffee the other day.  We fell into easy conversation, and although we were never close despite having mutual friends, it’s nice to have the potential there of getting to know her better and to have a friend available in case the “fit” hits the “shan,” if you know what I mean!

So all in all, a successful and productive week on the Friendship Endeavor project.  What’s better, it feels like this is just the beginning!  Once I opened myself up to meeting people and deciding to make friends, the calls, texts, and invites forged by my own deliberate attempts at friendliness started paying off, and I feel happier and healthier for it already.  Onward!

The Friends Forever Friendship Endeavor October Plan

Because this month is still focused on creating opportunities for friendship, the following goal will be my objective:

1. Invite two separate potential friends to get together

2. Go out at least two times (whether I invite or am invited)

And that’s it! 4 technical activities ought to keep me busy. I think that the more I get used to putting myself out there and talking with potential friends, the easier it will be to accomplish my monthly goals and the greater the opportunity I will have to make true forever friends. Sweet.

Last month’s success has me energized and happy, and I’m ready for the new challenge of getting actively involved in my own social life, as a participant instead of as a passive observer who’s just along for the ride!

http://www.succeedsocially.com/plans: This guy hit the nail on the head, and I’ll be taking some of his advice!

Amen!

September Re-cap on Making Friends

So the three goals for September were:

1. To chat with 5 new people – DONE! I’m glad to report that with starting a new degree, there were tons of people to meet, and many people were in the same boat as me (an endorsement for taking classes of any sort to meet people, I think!). Lots of potential lady friends, although I’m already starting to see that some have more potential for forever friends than others!

2. Reconnect with 3 old friends – not quite done….unfortunately.  The first attempt left a little to be desired, and even though I am still very eager to chat with a few old girlfriends, I admit I am so stretched for time that it has become a huge hurdle.  The only free time I have seems to be late at night!  Regardless, this will have to be a carry-over for October.

3. Learn something new and/or interesting about a few classmates or co-workers. I didn’t pay much homage to this topic in my posts, but I did (inadvertently) complete this one as well – DONE!  I found out that one lady I never would have expected was born and raised abroad until her early teens (very cool!).  Another lady has a child with autism and has worked everywhere from the military to a doctor’s office.  And lastly, I found out that one potential friend enjoys chocolate and wine about as much as I do.  Very promising!

Despite my shortcomings this month, I can already tell that just by making this online commitment (to myself? the universe? the blogosphere? anyone?) is pushing me to go a bit out of my comfort zone.  It is working as a constant reminder and inspiration to put the effort into making friends and meeting people.

Every time there is a break in classes or when I pass someone in the hall at work, I am starting to see it as an opportunity to meet someone new and potentially special. I am seeing the beauty in the possibility of a spontaneous, new, and lifelong friendship in the people around me, and I like it!

On to October Friends Forever Friendship Endeavor goals!

 

Busy lives leave little room for friendship?

Could it be the oldest excuse in the book?

“Sorry, I’m too busy ____”

a. hunting and gathering

b. washing my hair

c. doing chores around the house

Even when we have the opportunity to be social, to go out and make friends, to visit with people, to call on the phone and chat, why don’t we? It is so tempting to curl up on the couch with a good book or a British murder mystery on the telly and just veg out. Free time seems so rare that any chance I get to kick back and relax, even though I am unabashedly searching for friends, I can’t bear to rally myself to go out and about.

Is this laziness, anxiety, or actual exhaustion? I think I may know, but I would hate to admit it. I WILL recoup the missed friendship goals from September within the next few days (despite having class and a family member staying over and a billion house projects to do..not to mention earning a living)! And then, on to the October plan.

It just seems a bit of a shame that modern life is so busy and driven by everything except friendship sometimes. Sometimes maybe all we need is a little inspiration to make time for friends, but other times I think I need a swift kick in the butt – a harsh reminder that life doesn’t last forever, that for the most part future forever friends won’t come out of the woodwork searching for me, and that an hour tossing back drinks with a potential girlfriend will be much more rewarding at the end of the day than watching yet another re-run of Psych (even though I love that show altogether too much).

So here’s to the thought that even though life is busy, friends are busy, and everyone is stressed to the max, it is possibly even more important to make time for friends now than it would be if we had all the time in the world to piddle away. Busy or not, I’m going to make time for friends – it just might be the best way to be a good friend to myself.

Who Doesn’t Love a Wedding?

So in many ways, Friday’s wedding was a success. First and foremost, the couple is now married. 🙂

My friend, who I first met in 1st grade, is now a wife!  We have both changed in many ways, and our friendship with it. Over many years of going to different schools, my traveling abroad, our interests diverging, and my sister taking my place as BFF of my old neighbor, we have perhaps grown (quite) apart.  I still think we share a cherished history, though, and I feel some friendliness and familiarity with her that I can’t imagine ever changing.

Despite our differences, I am happy for her and the future that is ahead of her. I am pretty positive we won’t return to the closeness we once shared, but I can accept that. She will remain a treasured, if distant, friend.

The party was awesome, and it was a truly convenient way to reconnect with old neighbors and even friends from grade school who I haven’t seen for ten (plus!) years…An open bar may have facilitated my conversational skills, but I found on the whole that I was successfully making conversation with plenty of true potential friends in the broadest sense.

In a more particular sense, the wedding was a success in that I reconnected with a single potential forever friend and hit it off tremendously. We chatted for quite a while at the wedding, and promptly set up a reunion the next evening. We grew up around the corner from each other, but since she more often played with my sister I always assumed she was quite a bit younger.  We are only a year or two apart in age and I feel like now there is no difference.

Even though we live in different cities, I feel that I have someone I want to hang out with every time I am in Pittsburgh. Progress, surely, on the Friendship Meter.

Here’s to the bride and groom, and here’s to a rediscovered potential forever friend! (Photos to come soon!)

Progress on the Friendship Meter, Looking Ahead

So, I suppose I benefited quite a bit from having the opportunity to start my newest round of classes this month, with orientation, mandatory introductions, and a slew of people all trying to make new friends.

I’ve discovered that getting up the nerve to talk to people is half the battle in finding a potential friend.  There are lots of ladies I can imagine being better friends with (and of course, some with whom I have discovered I have little in common).

I’m considering the step of talking to five new people to be complete. Good news for the Friendship Meter!

Now I just have to reconnect with a few old (childhood, grade school, high school, college…) friends.  One called me a week or two ago, and for a variety of reasons, I did not pick up…It’s time to make up for hitting the “silence” button on my cell phone, even if this old friend isn’t always the keeper I wish she was.  After all, it’s not like anyone else is “blowin’ up my phone,” as they say!

Bonus: I childhood friend is getting married tomorrow.  Even though she is now much more friendly with my sister (who’s the M.O.H.), I can still see some friendship potential!  There’s also a friend I’ve been meaning to invite to my new house for a visit…  Plenty to keep me busy for more progress on the Friendship Meter – lucky me!

 

An Article with 50 Suggestions for Making Friends

I was looking for some extra tips on making friends, and I found this article on meeting people pretty useful!

It goes over some basic but interesting stuff, like bringing up things previously mentioned by them in conversation to ask them more about it, etc.  It’s got some good pointers, so I’m going to try a few!

Sweet Success!

So perhaps it’s cheating, but today I went to a few orientation events for the grad program I’m starting at OSU.  And, surprise surprise, I probably struck up a conversation with at least 1/2 a dozen other grad women.

I’m divided as to whether this counts or not – after all, they were all there to meet people and get to know the program, too, so we weren’t wholly disinterested parties with no need or motivation to meet each other besides being friendly.

Regardless, I met a ton of new people and started some promising relationships, so I’m counting it on the Friendship Meter!

I can definitely sense who I may like to keep getting to know (some more  so than others!) and I’m looking forward to a few opportunities to do so.

All in all, a successful day of friendly chats and promising starts.  Now for rekindling some old friendships (which can be even more awkward than starting new relationships out of the blue)!